Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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