You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
