Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
