How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
