Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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