nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
