if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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