Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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