Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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