she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
