anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
