He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
