whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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