In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
