He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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