i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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