hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
