Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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