That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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