Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
