I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
