I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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