You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
