Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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