Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize