We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
