If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
