My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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