Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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