Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
