I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
