if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
