i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
