Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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