when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
