So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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