Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As shirtless as possible
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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