i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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