so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You pole danced in your parka.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
