I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
