so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
