maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
