Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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