Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
