After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
