I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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