"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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