i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
