the condom got lost in my hair
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Randomize
