she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
