The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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