im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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