that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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