so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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