HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
