those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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