i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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