I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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