i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
