Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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