i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
