At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
