last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
