Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
