apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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