why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
