I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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