No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
