I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
