dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
