The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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