got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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