You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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