Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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