I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
